Only two days remain until an end is reached; a sense of accomplishment is achieved. This chapter has included a wide variety of characters, events, stories of humor, disgust, tragedy, and amounts of alcohol to paralyze all reality. These experiences have molded the very nature of my thoughts, approaches, and perceptions. They have elevated my conceptual abilities, talents, and desires for truth, but at some twisted expenses.
Submerging myself into this tiny pond with aspirations, I viewed my surroundings through eyes of curiousity and innocence. This community had potential, they had variety, wisdom, and levels of sophistication I wanted to possess. Every encounter was exciting, and every voice spoke with infallability. Such a young mind, full of naivety and trust; essentially a sponge. I sought to absorb, retain, and explore every opportunity while nuturing an eager appetite for acceptance.
After adapting, those same eyes had been opened and allowed to witness beings beyond comprehension. Some of these creatures were charming, intellectual, and possessed qualities in which were obtainable through practice and immitation. Others were poisonous; lethal beasts only seeking self gratification. These horrid, nightmares appeared as dreams, as pure, fantasical magic. They were toxic, alluring, addicting and the desire for more continually returned. However, these hallucinations proved to be the greatest form of disappointment and the worst sensation of pain ever fathomed. Through this series of recognition, high walls began emerging around a personality that was once so inviting and replaced by anxiety and paranoia. The innocence had been taken captive, and a warrior composed of complaints, aggression, and skepticism stood ready for battle. Established now is a hunger; a need for collaboration between ignorance and genius. Does such a state exist?
Through the closing of this chapter, much excitement stirs with thoughts of being able to find a bit of relief from an atmosphere infested with secracy, deceit, and hypotcritical mutants. Perhaps some cohesive plane can be discovered where such opportunities demand logic, creativity, and innovation, where such influences can be respected, cultivated, and allowed to function without suffocation. However, the sense of fear imagines this four year expedition to be only a foreshadowing of greater demons and disappointments. This moment of split emotion creates a division from within. I call upon the perseverance of my inspirations to direct me into a state of enchantment where my imagination can break boundaries and manifest its potential in this world of contingency.
